


Another one of those group chat fics

by confessionsofachocoholic



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: 'Daddy' jokes, 'kinky' jokes, Agatha doesn't know basic slang, Agatha is a drama queen, Agatha is an ace lesbian, American - Freeform, Asexual Agatha Wellbelove, Basilton "MY POOR INNOCENT VIRGIN EYES!!" Pitch, Baz Pitch is a gay disaster™, Baz calls Dev and Niall his minions and they SNAP, Baz gets dragged into watching cartoons with his siblings and thus knows about Steven Universe, Baz is a vampbitch, Baz is low-key a nerd for SU, Baz is questioning his life choices, Baz is shakin' in his boots!!, Baz without hair product, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!, Dev and Niall are Baz's bitches, Dev hates Disney because he's heartless (jk), Dev is a bit pissy, Drama, FiGhT mE!, I'm kidding please don't I hate conflict, Lesbian Agatha Wellbelove, Mordelia is a baby goth, Multi, Niall breaks out the hewwo speak, Niall has the optimism of a Disney princess, Niall likes to make Disney references, Penny has those sweet sweet memes up her sleeves, Penny makes vine references, Phone Calls, Simon Snow just waxing poetic over Baz in general really..., Simon Snow waxing poetic over Baz's hair without hair product, Simon asks Baz a thing and Baz has a mini gay heart attack, Simon is Penny's foster brother, Simon is a little clueless but he's trying his best, Simon likes to YEET™ people, Simon uses waaaaayyyy too many winky faces, Sleepovers, Spider-Man References, Spotify playlists, Trixie has an unhealthy glitter obsession, Trixie is planning a Halloween party, What is Micha?, and Penny is like "mate does this look like America to you?", baz does not type all prim and proper like you may expect, baz is agatha's 'emotional support vampire', dev is probably so done with baz's bs, friends teasing each other over crushes, like call for a revolution SNAP, movie marathons, niall is 'just here for the ride', oh and most importantly there's going to be swearing and inappropriate jokes, penny is done, platonic dancing between friends, the briefest Les Mis reference - like blink and you miss it brief, there's spelling errors bc it's a text/gc fic, what's a little blackmail between friends??, wow this is a lot of tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-05-14 16:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19277428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confessionsofachocoholic/pseuds/confessionsofachocoholic
Summary: I love reading group chat fanfics so I decided to make my own.





	1. Vampbitch and the agonising perils of group chats.

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: this fanfiction contains the following:  
> a) profanity  
> b) inappropriate jokes (for e.g. daddy jokes)  
> c) TERRIBLE GRAMMAR - no seriously you might have a stroke reading this.
> 
> If any of the things mentioned above bother you I am not liable for any feelings of annoyance, frustration or regret you may face, as you have been warned and are now reading at your own risk. 
> 
> Now for those of you who are still here, I hope you enjoy this fanfic and have a lovely day/afternoon/evening! ☺

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agatha needs Baz to join her group chat with Simon and Penelope, chaos ensues.

**Agatha > Baz**

**Agatha** Wassup Vampbitch???  
**Baz** Vampbitch? Really?  
**Agatha** You look like a vampire and constantly bitch to me bout shit  
**Agatha** that’s the truth  
**Baz** I CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH  
**Agatha** the tea be too hot for you  
**Baz** except that im the epitome of hotness so nothings too hot for me  
**Agatha** But your a vampire, hot stuff will kill you  
**Baz** ‘hot stuff’ lol  
**Baz** but no im immortal  
**Agatha** and thsta why you’re a vampire  
**Baz** ugh you sound like Simon  
**Agatha** but you like Simon  
**Baz** ffs sHUT UP  
**Agatha** nah… btw imagine the look on Simon’s face if he knew you actually called him Simon…  
**Baz** you wouldn’t  
**Agatha** buyt you should, I think he’d propose on the spot if you did tbh…  
**Baz** that’s cheating  
**Agatha** no, I broke up with him remember  
**Agatha** because im gay af remember  
**Agatha** Baz that was like last year??  
**Baz** that’s not what I meant and you know it  
**Agatha** you should tell him tho  
**Baz** but naaahhhh…  
**Agatha** can i ask you a favour tho?????  
**Baz** idk, can you??  
**Agatha** very funny you little shit…  
**Agatha** but no really I need you to join a gc I have w/ Penny and Si…  
**Baz** why??  
**Agatha** I need an experienced gay to help me come out to them  
**Baz** but Simon knows???  
**Agatha** no, he only knows that im ace  
**Baz** wait what??  
**Agatha** as in asexual…  
**Baz** okay okay gotcha babe ill join  
**Agatha** thx boo ily!! Xxo  
**Baz** ilyt <3  
**Baz** you SOOO owe me though…

 

*******

 

**texting shitshow**

***Blondebombshell has added Baz to ‘texting shitshow’***

**Baz** hello peasents  
**Dragonboi** what the fresh fuck baz??  
**Dragonboi** also you’re not allowed normal names on the chat

***Dragonboi has changed Baz to GampiretheVampire***

**GampiretheVampire** what the fresh fuck Snow or Bunce???  
**Dragonboi** its simon  
**Dragonboi** sooo what’s a pretty face doing in a shit hole like this for?? ;)  
**GampiretheVampire** Agatha added me???  
**FutureLibrarian** no shit Sherlock  
**Blondebombshell** guys stop bullying him… he’s my emotional support vampire…  
**Dragonboi** emotional support?? what is that??  
**GampiretheVampire** Snow, are you okay??  
**Dragonboi** no not really but im gonna let the adults talk... then we’ll chat later. OK?  
**GampiretheVampire** Okay??  
**GampiretheVampire** Agatha, are you gonna say your thing?? Or no??  
**Blondebombshell** yeah!!  
**Blondebombshell** I’m a lesbian…  
**FutureLibrarian** I thought you were American  
**Dragonboi** wait then why did you need Baz to tell us??  
**GampiretheVampire** you know im gay right?  
**Dragonboi** wait, you are?????  
**FutureLibrarian** Si, how did you not know this? Smh…  
**GampiretheVampire** yes. Unfortunately.  
**Dragonboi** wait what do you mean unfortunately?? Who hurt you??  
**Dragonboi** ill fight them!!  
**GampiretheVampire** no, just crushes are a hassle sometimes you know??  
**Dragonboi** yeah I know… can we chat??  
**GampiretheVampire** sure

 

*******

 

**Simon > Baz**

  
**Simon** Hey…  
**Baz** hello?  
**Simon** so, what you wanna talk about??  
**Baz** Snow, you messaged me first…  
**Simon** right… um…  
**Simon** so since we’re friends now you wanna hang out sometime??  
**Baz** we’re in one group chat together and you think the world is upside down…  
**Simon** two group chats…  
**Simon** and us being friends wouldn’t mean the world was upside down you know…  
**Baz** no, there’s one group chat…  
**Simon** then wtf is this??  
**Baz** it’s called messaging, Snow…  
**Simon** oh right true!!  
**Simon** but really what would be so wrong with us being friends???  
**Baz** I never said there’d be anything wrong with it  
**Simon** Baz, you said that us being friends would mean the world was upside down…  
**Baz** I didn’t mean it like that…  
**Baz** just I’m not used to it…  
**Simon** can we try then??  
**Baz** okay, how??  
**Simon** well, can we hang out at school??  
**Baz** I have a whole other group, Snow…  
**Simon** they can join then!!  
**Simon** We can be one big group then!!  
**Baz** okay, imma warn those bitches…

 

*******

 

**Baz’s Bitches**

**Baz** hello bitches…  
**Bitch1** must you always start our chats like this??  
**Baz** yes, yes I must.  
**Bitch2** hey wht tf is up??  
**Baz** So you know Snow right??  
**Bitch2** nOo We DoNt…  
**Baz** oh sod off…  
**Bitch1** no.  
**Baz** look Snow wants to combine groups… that cool??  
**Bitch2** ummm im just here for the ride so whatevs…  
**Bitch1** okay but we should really change this gc name…  
**Baz** NEVER!!  
**Bitch2** how about I change the group name??  
**Baz** why??  
**Bitch2** compromise.  
**Baz** okay… go ahead…

  
***Bitch2 changes ‘Baz’s Bitches’ to ‘Daddy’s Babes’***  
***Bitch2 changes their name to ‘Daddy’***  
***Daddy changes ‘Bitch1’ to ‘Hottie’***  
***Daddy changes ‘Baz’ to ‘ManEater’***

  
**ManEater** NIALL WHAT THE FUCKK???  
**Hottie** thank you Daddy~  
**Daddy** You’re welcome Angel~

  
*******

  
**Baz > Simon**

  
**Baz** OMFG SNOW!!  
**Baz** YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS!!  
**Baz** MY POOR INNOCENT VIRGIN EYES!!  
**Simon** baz wtf??!!!???  
**Baz *sends screenshot***  
**Simon** wow that is one kinky gc ngl…  
**Baz** SAVE ME FROM THOSE DEVIANTS!!  
**Simon** shhh bby… its okay I gotcha!!  
 


	2. IRL : The School Morning Rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monday mornings have a tendency to be a bit hectic. Let's just leave it at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so this chapter is IRL, which makes me think I might continue to write this fic alternating between the group chats and IRL. If you have any thoughts about this please feel free to share them! Thank you!☺

_IRL_

Baz

 

I have a feeling today is going to be a strange one. I’m nervous as fuck and I’m pretty sure it has everything to do with the fact that Simon Snow’s group and mine are joining up or whatever the fuck it is we’re doing. This is why I’m sitting in my car and hyperventilating like a fucking _gay disaster_ , instead of getting my arse to class! I adjust the rear-view mirror, frantically trying to adjust my hair – Monday morning is probably the worst time for one to realise that one’s attempted to use one’s hair products for some catastrophe of an experiment – I decide it’s too much effort to deal with and turn to the back seat to reach for my beanie, when a knock at the window makes me jump and flail in my seat. I turn to see Simon Snow giving me a sheepish grin. I roll down the window, frowning.

“Snow, you startled me!” I say.

“Well, hello to you too, Baz,” Simon says, “you getting outta the car or are ya just gonna sit there 'til the bell rings?”

“I’m going to get out, Snow,” I say, “hold your horses.”

“By the way, have you seen Dev or Niall today? ‘Cause I haven’t.” Simon’s innocent question fills me with dread.

“OH SHIT I FORGOT TO PICK THEM UP!” I exclaim horrified. I let my head fall into my hands and then further forward into the car horn. I let out a shriek and jump at the noise the car makes, feeling all the blood in my body make its way to my cheeks as I hear Simon laughing uncontrollably.

“THIS ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY, SNOW!” I yell, beyond embarrassed and ready for death to take me right here, right now.

Simon sobers up a bit from his laughing fit and tries to regain his composure.

“I’m sorry, Baz,” he huffs, out of breath, “that just sounds… like something I’d do.”

“I have to go get them, Snow.”

“Wait up,” Simon says, “I’ll come with.”

I lean over in my seat and open the door to the passenger seat; Simon gets in and buckles up.

“Your hair looks nice today, Baz.” I blush a bit at Simon’s compliment.

“Thank you, Snow.” I reply awkwardly as I pull out of the car park.

 

***

I pull up at the driveway to Dev’s place; he’s standing at the top of the stairs to the porch. His arms crossed, right foot tapping, his face fuming so intensely steam’s practically bellowing out of his ears. Pissed off to say the least. Niall is sitting on the same set of stairs, waving at me. Well, at least he’s indifferent. I honk the car horn – on purpose this time – and Niall makes his way down, turning back to say something to Dev who reluctantly trails after him unwillingly.

“Milady.” Niall gestures with a mock bow as he opens a door to the backseat. Dev just sends a death glare in Niall’s direction.

“Well,” I start, trying to break the tension, “good morning gentlemen, I assume you know Snow?”

“Yeah, no shit, Baz.” Dev deadpans. Niall starts laughing like a hyena, Simon turns towards the backseat giving my mates a small, shy wave.

“H-how’s everyone?” Simon asks. Probably trying to make this less awkward than it is.

“Yeah pretty good,” Niall is by far the friendliest in our little trio, “it’s a lovely unusually sunny morning don’t you think?” Simon nods and I snort.

“Niall, you have the optimism of a Disney princess.” I tease.

“And you’re about as dramatic as Queen Elsa.” Niall retorts.

“Touché.”

“Ugh, it’s too early for this crap,” Dev groans and turns to Simon, exasperated, “you see what I have to put up with?”

“’S not so bad.” Simon muses, shrugging with a small smile.

 

***

 

We make it to school on time. Just. There are only three minuets to spare before the bell rings.

Simon, my minions and I finally managed to escape the purgatory that is the school parking lot and as soon as we did I asked Simon where he and his friends hang out in the mornings. This is why _Simon bloody Snow_ is grasping onto my wrist dragging me around on some strange quest, like a stubborn Jack-Russell that’s sniffed out a nice fluffy rabbit.

When Simon spots Bunce and Wellbelove, he runs towards them, meaning of course that I get yanked right along with him.

“Wow, you really just yeeted Baz over here like that didn’t you, Simon.” Bunce says with an eyebrow raised. Dev and Niall had to run to catch up to us.

“Yeah, yeeted him over so fast I think I saw him dab.” Niall declares, keeled over and out of breath. Grinning up at me.

I’m frowning at him but before I can deny the atrocious thing I’ve been accused of the bell rings.

 

***

 

Simon 

 

Baz’s hair really does look nice today. He’s got loose waves of inky-black in his face and he looks beautiful. Not that he doesn’t usually, look beautiful that is… But today, his hair isn't slicked back, constrained or stiff, it’s free and flowing and looks like it would feel soft to the touch. Usually Baz looks sharp and poised – although he _still_ looks poised, the git – like an old movie vampire or a 1920’s gangster. Dangerous. Untouchable. Today Baz looks delicate, though none of his usually grace has gone. Today he looks like he could even be gentle.

I look back at him now and realised I’ve still got a hold of his wrist, I let go. I smile, somewhat sheepishly and keep walking.

“Snow.” Baz calls out, I turn around.

“Simon is just fine, Baz.” I say, rolling my eyes turning back around.

“You realise you don’t have to keep walking, right?” He says, raising an eyebrow. I realise he’s right, we’re at our roll-call room. I feel myself blush a bit.

“Right.” I say, wishing for the floor to swallow me up whole before rushing into the classroom after Baz.

 

***

 

Baz

 

Lunch-time comes around and Niall won’t forget about the apparent dabbing incident. I say apparent because it definitely _didn’t_ happen.

“Why can’t you let it go?” I whine because I’ve heard it about a hundred times today. Niall grins.

“I told you, you were Queen Elsa.” Dev groans at Niall’s comment.

“If I hear one more Disney reference I’m going to spontaneously combust.”

“Damn,” Simon says, “are you really that heartless that you hate Disney movies that much?”

“No,” Dev starts, eyes wide, “you don’t understand, I had to endure a binge session the whole weekend because of this one.” Niall scoffs in a mildly offended manner when Dev gestures in his direction. I smirk.

“I wonder who ever could have possibly foreseen this tragic turn of events?” I ask Dev smugly.  
“Baz, I will end you.”

“Like you could.” I say with a snort.

“I have three words. New. Years’. Eve.” I feel all the blood run out of my face.

“You wouldn’t.” I hiss.

“My drama senses are a tingling, what happened?” Wellbelove asks.

“Remember the crush incident?” I ask Dev, feigning innocence, “wouldn’t it be a shame if anyone were to find out?”

“Okay,” Dev says annoyed, “fine you win.”

I raise one eyebrow.

“Who won what?” Bunce asks. She’s only just arrived.

“Baz won the great drama battle.” Simon shrugs.

“With great drama comes great responsibility.” Bunce says.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this fanfic! Your thoughts and constructive criticism is welcome as always!☺


	3. Drama in the group chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another group chat is brought into the world and it all goes downhill from there… Keep reading for horrific spelling errors, terribly messed up humour, cringy "hewwo speak" and way too many winky faces!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: this chapter was not beta-ed and is probably a bit short!

**Agatha > Baz**

 

**Agatha**    Hey, im making another group chat, can you add Dev and Niall?

**Baz**    okay sure.

 

*******

 

***Agatha has added Penelope to ‘Drama’***

***Agatha has added Simon to ‘Drama’***

***Agatha has added Baz to ‘Drama’***

***Baz changes Simon to ‘Snow’***

**Snow**    baz that waz uncalled for!! :(

**Baz**    sorry not sorry!

***Baz has added Dev to ‘Drama’***

***Baz has added Niall to ‘Drama’***

***Agatha changes Snow to ‘dramaticsnowflake’***

***Agatha changes Penelope to ‘dramaticuncleben’***

***Agatha changes Baz to ‘overdramaticvampire’***

***Agatha changes Dev to ‘dramatichatesdisney’***

***Agatha changes Niall to ‘dramaticlovesdisney’***

***Agatha changes their name to ‘dramafreeandchill’***

**dramaticsnowflake** i will yeet u out the windoe hoe

**overdramaticvampire**    would you like an accomplice??

**dramaticuncleben** SEE I TOLD YOU SIMON LIKES TO YEET PEOPLE!!

**dramafreeandchill** I’d like to see you try… >:)

**dramafreeandchill**    NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!

**dramatichatesdisney**    wtaf is happening??

**dramaticlovesdisney**    I actually dont kno…

**dramafreeandchill**    DRAMA!

***overdramaticvampire changes ‘dramafreeandchill’ to ‘dramaqueen’***

**dramaqueen** bite me

**overdramaticvampire**    ew no thanks

**dramaticsnowflake** but you’re a vampire

**overdramaticvampire**    Snow, this isn’t an RPG…

**dramaticsnowflake**    could be if you want though… ;)

**dramaticuncleben**    GET! A! ROOM!

**dramaticlovesdisney**    a chat room~

**dramatichatesdisney**    I agree with everything except that weird squiggly line

**dramatichatesdisney** like what even was that??

**dramaticlovesdisney** a pun squiggle   :D

**dramaqueen**    you know it looks like a flirty line…

**dramaticlovesdisney** it’s a pun squiggle… ^v^

**dramatichatesdisney**    just agree with him **@dramaqueen**

**dramatichatesdisney**    he’s giving you the scary death smile… O^O

**dramaticlovesdisney**    idk whut you mweam… uwu

**overdramaticvampire**    OH NO HE’S BREAKING OUT THE HEWWO SPEAK!!

**overdramaticvampire** EVERYBODY RUN!!!

**dramaticsnowflake**  but hes so smol… >3<

**dramaticlovesdisney**    i thwaght i towld you 2 to get a chat woom… OwO

**overdramaticvampire**    QUICK BFORE HE-

**dramaticuncleben**    Ooop he ded guys lets run!

**dramaqueen**    haha y’all haven’t ran yet?? Lol losers!!

**dramaqueen**    ive ran so far that im practically in california!!

**dramatichatesdisney** WTAF??

**overdramaticvampire** okay I think this became an RPG…

**overdramaticvampire**    also I’m alive y’all!!

**dramaticsnowflake** wat happoned to you??

**overdramaticvampire**    my little sister just barged into my room

**overdramaticvampire**    without knocking as usual

**overdramaticvampire**    I had to tell off the little brat

**dramatichatesdisney** cut mordi some slack baz

**overdramaticvampire**    really dev?? You wanna side with the baby goth??

**dramaticsnowflake**    guys y is niall so quiet??

**dramaticuncleben**    shhh don’t say his name he’ll wake up…

**overdramaticvampire**    he’s napping during his time out…

**dramatichatesdisney**    daddy got sent to the naughty corner…

**overdramaticvampire** I’LL SEND YOU TO A SEPARATE NAUGHTY CORNER!!

**dramaqueen**    great news guys the English language is now cancelled!!

**dramaticuncleben**    sometimes I wish I was jarred, 19…

**dramaticsnowflake**    kinky

**overdramaticvampire**    no snow… not kinky… that’s my cousin…

**dramaticsnowflake**    no not thet…

**dramaticsnowflake** the hot damanding daddy/master yell…

**dramaticsnowflake**    vry kinky… ;)

**overdramaticvampire**    fuck…

**dramaticsnowflake**  yes plz!! ;)

**dramaticuncleben**    great, imma need bleech fro my eyeballs to unsee that…

**dramaqueen**    pen, just trow away your glasses n gimme the bleach…

**overdramaticvampire**    EXCUSE ME IM THE VICTIM HERE!!

**overdramaticvampire**    I SHOULD JUST SUCK YOU DRY!!

**dramaqueen**    woah stickin true to tha name I see…

**dramaticsnowflake**    plz do mastar... ;)

**dramaticuncleben**    I will personally do this world a favour nd poison your food

**dramaticsnowflake**    go ahead

**dramaticsnowflake**    I will die happili with smthin in my mouth

**dramaticsnowflake**  just like god intended… :)

**dramaticuncleben**    boi you need Jesus…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this fanfic! I know this chapter is much shorter than the other two but I know I needed to get something up, I hope you enjoyed it though! Constructive criticism and feedback is appreciated as always! ☺


	4. IRL : Dancing and phone calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks to the beginning of Bad and Agatha's friendship, dancing to Spotify playlists, friends teasing each other about crushes, mysterious text messages and strange phone calls…
> 
> TW: briefly referenced domestic abuse/neglect!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's texting in this chapter, with typos and key smashing, so if that offends you, honestly you're in the wrong place. Don't come for me, my dudes!  
> Please note that although I asked an awesome friend of mine to read the chapter and tell me what she thought I didn't ask her to go over it with a fine tooth comb or anything like that, however I believe she'd probably tell me if she found any outstanding errors. 
> 
> P.S. this chapter is a lot longer than the others, so I hope that makes up for how short the last one was!

_IRL_

Agatha

_Roughly a year ago…_

 

Last year is when the unlikely friendship between Baz and myself first began. I had just broken up with Simon after telling him I was asexual and needed some space for the purpose of more self-discovery and expanding my social life seemed like a good start to that.

“What are you doing here all by your lonesome?” I had asked Baz coolly, putting my books down on the desk he was sitting at in the library and sitting across from him. He peered over his book at me in distant regard.

“Studying, Wellbelove.” Baz drawled, eyes returning to his book once again. “It would be quite foolish if I were the reason you broke up with Snow. I know I’m hard to resist, but you’re not exactly my type.”

“Don’t worry, Basil, I don’t exactly fancy you either,” I said, with a roll of my eyes, “I was only hoping to branch out in my friendship circles, self-discovery and all that.”

Baz raised an eyebrow thoughtfully at this and I knew that what I had said had piqued his curiosity. He cleared his throat and schooled his features into a bored expression.

“And what exactly is it that has possessed you into thinking a friendship between us would be a good idea?” I shrugged at the question just to piss him off.

“How about we continue the conversation and find out?”

 

***

 _Present day..._  

 

I’m sprawled over the antique couch in Baz’s bedroom as he paces in front of the fireplace while scrolling through one of my more recently made Spotify playlists. I can’t help but think this moment perfectly encapsulates our friendship, which is always Baz worrying over which song to play first like it’s the most important decision of his life and me anticipating the moment he’ll just bloody pick _something_ already.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Pitch!” I huff impatiently, getting up off the couch and folding my arms like a bratty toddler. This seems to help my case, because Baz sighs and taps a random spot on the phone screen without looking. Music begins flowing from the Bluetooth speakers.

I twirl around the room and Baz bobs his head up and down as he gets a feel for the music, I think this might be the first time I’ve gotten him to listen to _girl in red_. I move onto air guitar, hopping from foot to foot and shaking my head to the music. Baz takes one of my hands spinning me around, after I’ve mimed tossing the air guitar aside like a rock star gone wild. I grasp his free hand with my own. At some point I make an attempt to spin him around like he did to me before and fail miserably because he’s so much taller than me, which only makes us break out in a fit of giggles.

 

***

 

Baz

 

Agatha and I end up flopping onto the rug on my bedroom floor after being exerted from dancing and copious amounts of laughter. Agatha’s playlist is still playing in the background and _high by the beach_ by _Lana Del Rey_ comes on, the trippy begining vocals soothing enough to will me into a trance-like state as an aura of calm settles upon the room.

“This song, to me,” Agatha starts, “is what a lullaby is to a small child.”

I hum in agreement.

“I swear this song is making me feel what I think being high feels like…” She muses dreamily and I snort.

“Euphoric?” I ask and she nods vigorously. “God, Wellbelove, you sound like a fucking stoner.”

“Maybe this song is my drug, Pitch, stop judging me.” I can’t help but roll my eyes at her antics.

“Sure, Wellbelove, sure…” I keep my tone of voice disinterested.

“Well, if you’re getting that bored of this conversation,” Agatha gets a devious little smirk on her face, “we could always talk about _Simon_.”

“I’m not particularly in the mood for gossip.” I quip.

“Oh, _gossip_ , is that what we’re calling your undying love for Simon, now is it?” Agatha teases.

“Hmm, I change my mind,” I retort flippantly, “I wouldn’t mind a little gossip, especially if it has anything to do with your little _crush_ on the Bunce girl.”

“I do not _fancy_ P-Penny.” Agatha denies, although the rosy blush that adorns her cheeks suggests otherwise.

“Oh, but you _do_.” I counter, just to be a dick.

“She has a _boyfriend_ , Basil!” She exclaims.

“And yet it does nothing to deter the desire you have to enclose her in a sweet tender embrace as your love for her blooms like a delicate flower.” I wipe a non-existent tear from my eye to further express the tragedy of the situation.

“Is _your_ love for _Simon_ blooming like a delicate flower, Basil?” Agatha says in a sweet voice, batting her eyes at me in faux innocence, as if she wasn’t just being a demonic little shit.

“Oh go get a fucking hobby, Wellbelove!” I shoot back, not nearly as casually as I would have liked to.

“Teasing you about this _is_ my hobby, Pitch.” She snaps back.

“Maybe your hobbies should be more Bunce-orientated, since you seem to like her so much!”

“Why, you little-”

 

***

 

Simon

 

I get a text from Agatha. Agatha doesn’t text anyone that often – messaging apps designed for group chats don’t count. I don’t really get a chance to read it though because Penny and I are being called down for dinner, but I do get a glimpse of Baz’s name flashing on the screen.

 

Penelope

 

My family has started eating dinner together in the evenings since Simon came to live with us. Mum thinks it’s good for him to have some time to socialise with family, I think so too. Simon seems like he’s been a lot happier these past few months and I think I have been too in all honesty. I’m not as worried about him as I was when he was living with his sorry excuse for a father, I can rest easy now that I know he’s being properly fed and not struggling under the pressures of having to get perfect grades _or else_ …

I know Simon doesn’t really like to talk about his father, not even to me. I _don’t_ ask him to tell me either, in spite of the fact that I happen to be a very curious person. It does scare me a bit to think about how bad it must have been for him that he can’t tell me, even if he’s not much of a talker.

When Simon and I get called down to dinner, he looks a bit reluctant to go down. I give him a look as if to ask _‘what’s up?’_ he just shakes his head.

“Agatha sent me a text.” Simon says as we’re heading downstairs.

“But Agatha _never_ texts anyone!” I exclaim.

“It was something about Baz, I think…” He continues puzzled. “I didn’t get a chance to read it all…”

 

***

 

Simon

 

I think Penny is almost as interested to know why Agatha sent me a text as I am, judging by the way the both of us practically inhaled our dinner and raced each other up the stairs to our shared room. I sit on my bed, lowering my head so as not to hit it on Penny’s bed on top. We have bunk beds. It. Is. Awesome!

Penny chucks my phone over to me and I _just_ manage to catch it, it’s an uncharacteristic thing for her to do, so I guess that means she’s excited.

“Well, Simon, go on what does it say?” Pen asks as she perches down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. I turn my phone on and scroll through the screen to find Agatha has sent me _six_ texts. I unlock my phone and start by reading out the first message:

 

“   **Si!!! Baz is teasing me!!! :’(((((** ”

 

I turn to Penny a bit confused and then she has a look of realisation on her face and reminds me that Baz and Agatha are having a study session and dinner at Baz’s place before we read the rest of the messages together…

 

**So, I’m going to let you in on his most precious little secret… >:)**

**Baz would likeeeeeeeeefdkn ddffdkjnv**

**I would like wellbelove to mind her goddamn business – Baz**

**And also for you to know that wellbelove likes bunmndjhfdlskl**

**BUNNIES I LIKE BUNNES!! Theyre very cute and fluffy!! (its Aggs again btw!)**

“Well that was a trainwreck…” Pen says laughing almost to the point of tears.

“You think, Pen?” I ask joining her, she gives me a nudge and nods in the direction of the phone. I start texting back…

 

**R you nerds OK??**

Baz

 

Simon has replied to the texts from Agatha and I, it seems. It hasn’t been very long since we sent them out but in this time Agatha and I have come to an agreement that if one of us blabs about the other’s crush, it’s fair game and we have the right to do the same back in retaliation, so I’m not overly worried about what Agatha is texting back to Simon.

“Simon wants to know if he can call.” Agatha says, in a tone of voice that tells me she’s considering it.

“Yeah,” I respond, “go ahead.”

Agatha fiddles with the phone for a moment and I hear her mobile ringing, she has us on speaker.

“Hey, guys,” Simon greets, “I hope you don’t mind, but Penny’s with me!”

“The more the merrier, Snow.” I say, smirking at Agatha’s horrified deer-in-the-headlights expression.

“How’s the studying going?” Bunce asks, a slight smugness in her tone.

“Awesome, Pen!” Agatha says cheerfully.

“I think she’d be a little more productive if you were tutoring her though, Bunce.” I say, half because I want to tease Agatha, half because I _do_ believe what I’ve said is true.

“How come, Pitch?” Bunce asks.

“Well we’ve been a bit distracted listening to music, Bunce.” I admit as Agatha lets out a sigh of relief.

“Nice, what music?” Simon asks.

“Heavy metal.” Agatha says the same time I say “Country music.” We both crack up.

“No, but really, what music?” Simon asks with a good-natured chuckle. Everything this boy does is good-natured, I swear to god.

“It was one of Wellbelove’s spotify playlists actually.” I answer honestly this time.

“Oh, Pitch,” Bunce says excitedly, “you have my number, would you mind sending me the link?”

“I didn’t know you were much of a music fan, Bunce,” I start, “but, sure. As long as you tell Wellbelove what you think of it, she’s actually got quite good taste.”

I give Agatha two thumbs up as she looks up at me dumbfounded while I go to retrieve my phone.

“Oh everyone likes music, Pitch.” Bunce says, I can imagine she’s rolling her eyes at me.

“Amen to that, Pen!” Simon says enthusiastically and I hear what sounds suspiciously like a high-five on the other end of the line. Agatha gets up and hands me the phone going over to my desk where our books are half-scattered carelessly, half-sorted into neat piles.

“And how have things been going for you two this evening?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Not too bad actually,” Simon muses, “Pen and I’ve just had dinner. We’ll probably study later, right, Pen?”

“Yeah, and then you’ll sleep and I’ll be stuck listening to your snoring.” Bunce teases.

“Oh sod off, Pen, I don’t snore!”

“Actually you do,” I interject, “You remember when we got stuck sharing a room on school camp? You snored so bloody loud I thought you were a fucking chainsaw!”

“Oh, _I’m_ loud, Mr. I-like-to-eat-crisps-at-the-crack-of-bloody-dawn?” Simon retorts.

“So under what unfortunate circumstances are you forced to listen to the ruckus of Snow cutting down a bloody forest, Bunce? A sleepover, I presume?”

“Actually,” Bunce starts, “Simon’s living with my family now, he’s my foster brother.”

“Wait, why didn’t I know about this?” Agatha seems to be somewhat shocked at the news.

“Well I don’t know, Agatha, maybe because you happen to be the world’s worst snitch!”

“Oh, well at least I don’t have a fucking stick shoved impossibly far up my ars-”

“Oi! You two, cut it out!” Simon interrupts, before the petty catfight can escalate any further.

“For once I actually agree with, Snow.” I say looking pointedly at Agatha.

And that’s when I realise that Agatha is holding something of mine, flicking through the pages with a puzzled expression.

“Wow, this fanfiction is disturbingly descriptive…” Agatha marvels at the book in her hands with a look of shock-horror. I have been rendered speechless. How the actual fuck did Agatha find my secret fucking journal?

“Baz, since when do you write horrifyingly explicit fanfic?” Agatha asks me, seeming to have entirely forgotten about our phone conversation with Snow and Bunce.

“That’s not. Fucking. Fanfic.” I hiss at Agatha through clenched teeth, my face feels like it’s on fucking fire. Agatha has the fucking audacity to look at me with her innocent and confused doe eyes.

“Well, what on Earth is it, Pitch?” Bunce asks. Damn Bunce and her intense fucking thirst for knowledge.

“My fucking journal.” I snap, as if the answer should have been obvious.

“Oh,” Simon says sympathetically, “Aggie, maybe you should put that down.”

“ _Thank you_ , _Snow_!” I say exasperated.

“That’s Baz-speak for ‘you’re my knight in shining armour’, Si.” Agatha says.

“W-well,” Simon stammers, “I just think you should respect Baz’s privacy is all…”

I hand the phone back to Agatha in exchange for my journal, just as I hear the door flying open.

“Mordelia, _knock_!” I say as she barges in. Simon and Bunce’s laughter crackles from the other end of the line.

“But-”

“I don’t want to hear it until you learn some basic manners.” I retort, Mordelia groans in annoyance but leaves and closes the door before knocking.

“Come in.”

“Mum says you two have to come down for dinner,” my impossible sister huffs, “hurry up!” Mordelia leaves.

“Well I think that’s our cue to go.” I tell Agatha, “Farewell, Bunce and Snow.”

“Bye, you guys!” Agatha says.

“Bye!” Simon and Bunce bid us goodbye in unison.

 

***

 

Agatha 

 

Baz drives me home. He’s quite a gentleman really, deep down under all the sneers and snarky remarks – which have been increasingly dwindling since our friendship started. My mother constantly gushes about how perfect we would be together despite the numerous times I’ve told her we’re _just friends_ , she doesn’t listen though… It’s even worse when she starts prattling on about how if we had babies they’d be the cutest babies ever to grace the face of the earth, now _that_ makes me want to puke my guts out. Baz knows about my mum’s weird little hoping-we’ll-get-married-and-produce-adorable-grandchildren thing and I’m pretty sure it’s the hardest I’ve ever heard him laugh.

“Well, she’s not completely wrong.” He had said at the time.

“ _Basilton_ ,” I whined with a pout, “don’t agree with her, it would be gross!”

“I never said it wasn’t, but you have to admit we are both very undeniably attractive people.” Was the reply I received paired with a fabulous hair flip, which I rolled my eyes at.

I shake my head at the memory and a snort escapes me.

“What was that about?” Baz asks, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Oh, you know my mother and her unrealistic hopes and dreams of me producing offspring.” I say nonchalantly.

“She’s still on that?” Baz chuckles lightly.

“Yes, it’s awful,” I cry out in frustration, “I’m on the verge of coming out just to shut her up!”

“Here, here,” Baz agrees, then grimaces “my father still wants me to pass on the family name, I suppose when the time comes I could probably adopt or find a surrogate.”

“We’re so young though,” I say, “we shouldn’t have to think about these things.”

“I know,” Baz replies as he pulls up out the front of my house, smiling wistfully at me, “you can always tell your mother that I’m gay if you want her to get her off your case, I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course,” the question earns me an eye roll, “now go on, shoo, go home and get your arse into bed so you can get your beauty sleep!”

“Okay, okay!” I say giggling and getting out of the car. “Goodnight to you too, Baz.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and feedback and constructive criticism is welcome as always! 😊  
> Also, here's a playlist I made for this fanfic based on Agatha's character - I've made one each for Simon and Baz as well and plan on making one for Penny, Dev and Niall at some point, so let me know if you'd like me to drop the link for those! 
> 
> [This is Agatha's playlist!](https://open.spotify.com/user/jwl0nqjw2fd0m8q2dsji55kvr/playlist/5b3KAEvF6MelBNHJQn2G2M?si=Uq4yN4qpSg6QyqG56oXGYQ)


	5. The one where actually somewhat serious conversations happen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang gets news of a halloween party coming up. Baz has news for Dev and Niall and then Dev and Niall pull the uno reverse on Baz and shock him to his core - no, not really... Simon makes an unexpected proposal and Agatha isn't overly familiar with some modern slang! Enjoy! :) 😊 💖
> 
> Also there's some references to Steven Universe, because Baz has younger siblings and there's no way he wouldn't get sucked into watching cartoons and secretly loving the heck outta them! 🤘

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings in previous chapters apply. Also no beta-reader this chapter compadres. Let's get this bread...
> 
> Here's the playlists I've made for this fic so far… 
> 
>  
> 
> [Agatha](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5b3KAEvF6MelBNHJQn2G2M?si=3N5EdBzfTG6a0gMdm4DQaw)
> 
>  
> 
> [Baz](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0eTWIWg3jKD359FXmIghTa?si=vCq3FjOTTX2z8B5PzVLKhQ)
> 
>  
> 
> [Simon](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/57N4WxgDZOoDbPsFt53XQK?si=hDpx9V4pQBCXxngtcjMoKA)

**purplepenny** **>** **pinkprincess**

 **purplepenny** yo, yo, yo…  
**pinkprincess** yeshhh??  
**purplepenny** so get this…  
**purplepenny** Trixie was telling me she’s planning a Halloween party…  
**pinkprincess** cool, u gonna go then??  
**purplepenny** AGGIE WE LIVE IN ENGLAND!!  
**pinkprincess** nd??  
**purplepenny** HALLOWEEN IS AN AMERICAN THING!!  
**pinkprincess** so is micha i dont see u complainin’ bout that…  
**purplepenny** touché.  
**purplepenny** so you thinking of going??  
**pinkprincess** HELLS YESSSSSHH!!!

*******

**penthebrave > trixiethepixie**

**penthebrave** so Agatha found out about your party…  
**trixiethepixie** bcos u told her...  
**penthebrave** no comment.  
**trixiethepixie** itz all g!!  
**penthebrave** it should be a crime to message like that…  
**trixiethepixie** shushhh you <3 meeee!!!  
**penthebrave** no, I really don’t…  
**trixiethepixie** liar, ur pants r burnin’  
**penthebrave** no. trix, just no…  
**trixiethepixie** bcos theyr on fire…  
**penthebrave** still no.  
**trixiethepixie** just invite ur friends pensie-boo!!!1!! <3333  
**penthebrave** fine… 🙄🙄🙄

*******

**texting shitshow**

**Futurelibrarian** Trixie wants me to invite y’all to her Halloween party…  
**Gampirethevampire** sorry who’s she???  
**Dragonboi** you don’t know Trixie??  
**Dragonboi** shes my mum!!  
**Gampirethevampire** isn’t Bunce your mum???  
**Dragonboi** yes, but trixies like my other mum…  
**Dragonboi** thats right baz i have 2 mums…  
**Gampirethevampire** congratulations??  
**Dragonboi** sadly they divorced tho… :’(  
**Blondebombshell** wait then whats micah???  
**Dragonboi** American  
**Futurelibrarian** if this was an actual situation…  
**Futurelibrarian** Micah would be your step-father  
**Dragonboi** step-daddy… >:)  
**Futurelibrarian** SIMON NO!!!  
**Dragonboi** SIMON YESSS!!! >:)  
**Gampirethevampire** …  
**Gampirethevampire** idk who Micah is…  
**Blondebombshell** oh hes pennys bf…  
**Gampirethevampire** uh-huh and who’s Trixie??  
**Blondebombshell** you know that girl with the bleached-white pixie cut??  
**Gampirethevampire** oh the one with the unhealthy glitter obsession??  
**Futurelibrarian** yes, that would be her…  
**Dragonboi** her obsessin w glitter is kinda cute tbh…  
**Futurelibrarian** are you on drugs??  
**Gampirethevampire** snow, im about to puuuke!!  
**Dragonboi** you’re both being dramatic…  
**Gampirethevampire** no, I actually saw her try to EAT glitter one time!  
**Gampirethevampire** THAT’S NOT HEALTHY!!  
**Dragonboi** eh to eech there own…  
**Gampirethevampire** SNOW!!  
**Dragonboi** BAZ!!  
**Blondebombshell** IDIOTS!!  
**Blondebombshell** honestly what are we gonna do w u??  
**Futurelibrarian** idk but I think we should tell Dev and Niall????  
**Gampirethevampire** I think we should????

*******

**Edward Cullen and his Sparkly Friends**

**Edward Cullen** why hello minions…  
**Glowin’ Babe** FOR THE LAST TIME WE RN’T UR FECKN MINIONS!!!  
**Twinkle Toes** I agree bt like least ya dont have the wurst name mate…  
**Glowin’ Babe** VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!  
**Twinkle Toes** CaN U hEaR tHe PeOpLE SiiiNg  
**Twinkle Toes** SiNGiNG tHE sONGS oF aNGrY mEN  
**Edward Cullen** Are you quite done there, Niall??  
**Twinkle Toes** no  
**Edward Cullen** too bad I got news fellas…  
**Edward Cullen** y’all are now invited to a party  
**Glowin’ Babe** WHAT??  
**Edward Cullen** yup, it’s true, you’re welcome losers… xo  
**Twinkle Toes** fellas is it ga-  
**Glowin’ Babe** thats right… no need to thank me…  
**Edward Cullen** for what??  
**Glowin’ Babe** tackling the ginger…  
**Twinkle Toes** THIS IS SLANDER!!  
**Edward Cullen** Wait. You two are hanging out… again??

*******

**Niall > Dev**

**Niall** do we tell him???  
**Dev** you legit could have just asked. Out loud. With your mouth.  
**Niall** ok yh I get that technology is taking over the world nd blah blah blah…  
**Niall** bt like should we??  
**Dev** he’ll be fine and shit. But like over the gc??  
**Niall** ok bt we’ll probs forget???  
**Dev** fuck it. lets just bite the bullet…

*******

**Edward Cullen and his Sparkly Friends**

**Glowin’ Babe** Baz, my dude  
**Twinkle Toes** bazzyboo  
**Edward Cullen** Niall if you ever call me that horrendous nickname again…  
**Edward Cullen** I will wipe you off the face of the earth…  
**Twinkle Toes** bt ba-  
**Glowin’ Babe** youre welcome, cousin  
**Edward Cullen** right, you know this is odd af right??  
**Glowin’ Babe** okay yes, but Niall and I have smthin to tell you…  
**Edward Cullen** yes??  
**Twinkle Toes** its kinda big…  
**Edward Cullen** yes, I am familiar with things that are big… get to the point…  
**Glowin’ Babe** TMI BAZ!! T. M. I.!  
**Twinkle Toes** u wanna tell him dev???  
**Glowin’ Babe** no u…  
**Twinkle Toes** dev nd i are dating…  
**Edward Cullen** and you tell me this over the gc??  
**Glowin’ Babe** we kept forgetting and thought it was about time.  
**Edward Cullen** “about time”?? how long have y’all been dating??  
**Twinkle Toes** no comment  
**Edward Cullen** okay, that’s fine, im the only one that knows right??  
**Glowin’ Babe** youre the only person we told… but…  
**Edward Cullen** right, who else knows??  
**Twinkle Toes** snow knows…  
**Edward Cullen** right… gtg fellas…

*******

**Baz > Simon**

**Baz** Snow, we have to talk…  
**Simon** ok?? Y???  
**Baz** Dev and Niall…  
**Simon** wot abowt them???  
**Baz** apparently they’re dating… do you know what that makes me???  
**Simon** happy 4 them???  
**Baz** well yes, but that’s not where I was going with this…  
**Baz** IT MAKES ME THE THIRD WHEEL!!!  
**Simon** but how cum they hav just told u now??  
**Baz** for the sake of all good things never spell “come” like that again…  
**Simon** cum  
**Baz** I will end you, you absolute nightmare…  
**Simon** shhh bby u luv me… <3  
**Baz** bold of you to assume…  
**Simon** um owch???  
**Baz** look I know you knew before me, how come??  
**Simon** no u…  
**Simon** as in u go furst…  
**Baz** and why should i??  
**Simon** bc i asked u furst u twat…  
**Baz** fine… they said they kept forgetting to tell me…  
**Baz** your turn…  
**Simon** well… one f8ful dae last year…  
**Baz** LAST YEAR????  
**Simon** yass u git!! now shut up nd lissen…  
**Baz** *zips lips, locks lips, throws away key*  
**Simon** ok dont b mad bt i waz skippin school  
**Simon** well not reely cuz it waz lunch bt anyway…  
**Simon** i had the need 4 a sour cherry slushie so…  
**Simon** i desided it waz a good idea 2 go owt the back gate…  
**Simon** nd wot did i c???  
**Simon** ur 2 bffs suckin face…  
**Simon** i could’ve eezily avoided the awkwardness after if i didnt feckin trip…  
**Baz** what happened, Snow??  
**Simon** they started apologising nd it waz weird, also told me not to tell anyone  
**Simon** wich duh, like itz not like it waz my bizness…  
**Simon** i just said i waz gonna get my sweet, sweet slushie…  
**Simon** evn tho itz sour cherry bt whatevs…  
**Baz** lol…  
**Simon** lol???  
**Baz** yes, because you only had a fuck to give about your fuckin slushie… lol…  
**Simon** look wen a man needs his slush he needs his slush…  
**Baz** it’s okay Simon…  
**Simon** !!!!!!!!!  
**Baz** ???????  
**Simon** U CALLED ME SIMON!!!  
**Baz** no I didn’t…  
**Simon** *sends screenshot*  
**Baz** oh fuck off, Snow…  
**Simon** luv u 2 baz!! Xo <3  
**Baz** asdfghjgfddsuhiojgghvioj  
**Simon** u ok??  
**Baz** oh yeah… just dropped my phone…  
**Simon** how do u feel bout sleepovrsss????  
**Baz** they’re all fun and games until someone interrupts my beauty sleep…  
**Baz** why do you ask, Snow???  
**Simon** well i waz wundring if maybe u would ever want to…  
**Simon** ugh its fine it waz stupid anyway… u probs wuldnt wanna…  
**Baz** are you trying to ask me to have a sleepover with you???  
**Simon** yh, its ok tho ik its dumb…  
**Baz** no, its not dumb… I’d like to if you want??  
**Simon** REALLLY?????  
**Baz** YES!!!

*******

**Baz > Agatha**

**Baz *sends screenshot***  
**Agatha** "just dropped my phone" my arse u did…  
**Baz** WHAT DO I DO?????  
**Agatha** idk… tap dat ass???  
**Baz** something tells me that isn’t proper sleepover etiquette…  
**Agatha** boi, ik for a fact u’ve had sleepovers before!!  
**Baz** NOT WITH MY CRUSH!!  
**Agatha** then, tap dat ass?  
**Baz** Aggs, do you even know what that means??  
**Agatha** well… not for sure…  
**Agatha** but Pen once told me that she thought someone “should tap dat ass”  
**Agatha** so I assumed it meant “flirting”…  
**Baz** you assumed wrong…  
**Agatha** whats it mean then???  
**Baz** uh… well when two or more people share um… an interest in eachother…  
**Agatha** yes??  
**Baz** sometime they uhh… show their interest in a physical, dance-like ritual…  
**Agatha** OH!! Like in that weird cartoon ur siblings watch w the space rocks??  
**Baz** Steven Universe??  
**Agatha** YES!! When they dance nd morph into one big rock!!  
**Baz** first of all, they’re not rocks, they’re crystal gems…  
**Baz** and secondly, the dance is called ‘fusion’…  
**Agatha** you’ve been sucked into that show, haven’t u??  
**Baz** unfortunately…  
**Agatha** but people can’t do fusion irl??  
**Baz** ffs Aggs!! Use your imagination!!  
**Agatha** so just dancing??  
**Baz** Ask. Bunce.

*******

**pinkprincess > purplepenny**

**pinkprincess** Pen what does it mean to “tap dat ass”??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :) Feedback and constructive criticism are welcome as always! 😊


	6. Sleepovers and Movie Marathons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm so sorry this is sooo late!!😓😵   
> I've had the worst writer's block - specifically with this fic and so much chaos and a shit-ton of other deadlines to meet IRL.   
> This "chapter" is really just not even half a chapter at this point, and there's just not enough of it for me to be proud of yet, but it'll do as a starting point for now.   
> Also with Wayward Son coming out tomorrow I felt like I needed to post something, because I haven't abandoned this work and I have no intention of doing so. I feel a bit bad for not continuing this for god knows how many weeks - and given my goal was to have the entire fic finished before Wayward Son I'm honestly gutted.   
> I hope this is okay for now, thank you for being so patient!💖

Baz 

 

After a week of planning and organising Simon Snow is standing at my front door, with mud-caked boots and a dripping umbrella.

“Baz,” He greets.

“Snow,” I hold the door further open and gesture inside, “Come in.”

Snow looks down at his boots. I roll my eyes.

“Well, take those off first, _then_ come inside.” I sigh, taking his umbrella and putting it in the bucket where the others are on the porch.

When I turn back around and find Snow on his knees, taking off his boots I’m suddenly very glad he allowed me to put his umbrella away for him. I blush a bit when he looks back at me.

Simon lifts his boots as if to ask ‘ _where should I leave them?_ ’

“Just leave them by the door.” I reply, and then blush when I see him walk in with his red-socked feet, soaked trouser cuffs rolled up – this is all very domestic.

What have I gotten myself into?

 

Simon 

 

Baz is wearing jeans and I’m afraid if I were to open my mouth right now I’d say something stupid and embarrass myself. So when Baz start showing me where everything is I just nod like a fucking bobble-head.

It isn’t until we get to his room that he comments on my lack of commenting.

“You’re awfully quiet over there,” Baz says with a curiously amused expression, “What’s the matter, Snow?”

I swallow and rub the back of my neck sheepishly.

“Well- its- ah shit…” I start and glance over at Baz, who sits – elegantly – on the floor in front of the fireplace – even though the room is filled with various comfortable things to sit on – one ankle crossed over the other arms behind his back holding him upright.

“Yes?”

“Just,” I blush, “you’re wearing jeans and well… it’s throwing me for a loop you know?”

“Seriously?” Baz asks, he looks like he’s about to burst into a fit of laughter. I sink down next to him but avoid his gaze.

“Yeah, I never really pictured you wearing jeans,” I admit, flushing darker “I always sort of thought you’d lounge around in waist coats and dark trousers.”

“I don’t quite know what to make of that, Snow.” I shrug because I don’t either.

 

Baz

 

“Do you want to do a movie marathon?” I ask.

“Sure, why not,” Snow grins, “What series?”

“Couldn’t we just watch a compilation of random movies?”

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so this chapter is going to be added to at a later date when I can manage to get my shit together, but I just want to say that I am really, really, super grateful for those of you who have been continually supportive of this fic, it really means the world to me!💖

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this fanfic! Constructive criticism and feedback is appreciated as always! ☺


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